Tortallan Big Brother
by Treesamphetamine
Summary: I didn't write the 1st 5 ch. Karly_ann134 did and she gave this fic to me to write and I express my extreme appreciation and hope that I can please her. R+R
1. Welcome

Hello, one and all! Welcome to Tortallan's first series of Big Brother!!  
A/N Hey, you may have read this before and this is because karly_ann134 gave this to me to finish. The first 5 chapters are hers. ALL HERS! After that, they are mine! Muahahahha! The idea belongs to her and the 5 chapters. Now that we have made that clear. Oh yes, I cut out karly_ann134's author's notes because I did.  
  
A note to Kaz......I deleted the bit about 426 era because I know the real year and I put it in.  
  
  
  
  
First, let's introduce the housemates:  
  
Sir/Lady Alanna, King's Champion, Baroness of Pirate's Swoop, heir to Barony Olau! (god that's long)  
  
King Jonathan!  
  
Sir Keladry of Mindelan!  
  
Veraldaine Sarrasri, Wildmage of Tortall!  
  
(from the Realms of the Dead) Duke Roger of Conte!  
  
Sir Nealan of Queenscove!  
  
Neal: its Neal, damnit! Neal! Not Nealan – NEVER Nealan!  
  
Numair Salmalin, (uh, what is he again?), Mage (that'll do) of Tortall!  
  
(From life imprisonment), Delia of Eldorne!  
  
Alanna: "Does she really have to come in?  
  
ME: YES! Don't argue with me, or I'll kick you out.  
  
Alanna: Humph!  
  
Sir Cleon of Kennan!  
  
Baron of Pirate's Swoop, George Cooper!  
  
(Also from the Realms of the Dead), Joren of Stone Mountain!  
  
Dom of Queenscove!  
  
And, last of all, Queen Thayet of Tortall!  
  
Thayet: Why was I last?!  
  
Me: Because you just are.  
  
Thayet: But –  
  
Me: NO!  
  
Thayet: But –  
  
Me: NO!  
  
Thayet: But –  
  
Me: Shut up! Where was I? Oh, yes, and, so now I've introduced the housemates, they will enter the house!  
  
*Conversation as the 13 contestants wait to enter the house*  
  
Thayet: Do they have nail files in the house? What house are we actually living in? Does it have servants in there? Are we supposed to wait on ourselves?!?  
  
Alanna: Oh, Thayet, you've seen worse in Scanra.  
  
Thayet: But it's not Scanra here! I've learnt to be a queen! To take pride in my looks!  
  
*Alanna snorts*  
  
Jon: come, now, my lovely wife, everything will be alright!  
  
Thayet (pouting): it better be.  
  
Cleon (to Kel): So, my dove, the house awaits!  
  
Kel: Yeah, I guess.  
  
Cleon: Why so blue, sunshine of my life?  
  
Neal: Do you have to be so annoying Cleon?  
  
Cleon (bristles up and sticks his chest out): I am not annoying, thankyou Nealan!  
  
Neal: It's NEAL! Neal, not Nealan! Neal, Neal, Neal!!  
  
Kel: Wow, Neal, calm down!  
  
Neal: Well it annoys me when I get called Nealan.  
  
Dom: I just call him Meathead. (Shrugs)  
  
Delia: Could we get out of the 460 era please?!   
  
Alanna: Lady Delia, please grace us by shutting up.  
  
Delia: Speak for yourself Lady Alanna (by the way "Lady" is italicised if you can't see it)  
  
Roger: Enough with this petty bickering.  
  
Delia (kneeling): Yes, whatever you say master!  
  
Me: Alright, it's time for you to enter the house!!!!!  
  
Stay tuned for Day One in the Big Brother house!!!  
  
~*~  
  
NOTE: THIS WAS WRITTEN BY KARLY_ANN. NOT ME! SHE WAS SO NICE TO ALLOW ME TO FINISH THIS AND I AM SOO HONORED.  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	2. First Day on the Homefront........With D...

A/N THIS CHAPTER IS NOT MINE!!!! KARLY_ANN134 WROTE IT AND SHE GAVE THE FIC TO ME BECAUSE SHE DOESNT HAVE TIME TO FINISH IT.   
  
A/N – when the text is bold and italicised, "Big Brother"(me) is speaking, which means all the housemates can hear me, just like on the show :P.  
  
Welcome back to –  
  
1 TORTALLAN BIG BROTHER  
  
Me: Welcome one, welcome all, to Tortallan Big Brother. I should probably describe the "house" that the contestants live in. It is made of strong, grey brick, and is fairly large. It has two bedrooms, each with five beds in each. There are, altogether, three doubles and seven singles. There is the Diary Room, with a trained shrink –  
  
Psych – Hey!  
  
Me: I uh, mean, psychiatrist… yeah… psychiatrist, that's it – anyway, there is a common room, with a comfy hearth that they can light themselves – plenty of leaves, don't worry – and some lounges, and a kitchen, and a back yard.  
  
Thayet: What about (goes crimson) what about a loo?  
  
Me: Build a latrine.  
  
Thayet: In the back garden?  
  
Me: Yes in the back yard.  
  
Thayet: No!  
  
Me: Yes!  
  
Thayet: No!  
  
Me: Yes!  
  
Thayet: No!  
  
Me (warningly): Thayet…  
  
*Thayet goes off and sulks*  
  
Me (unnaturally cheery): So anyway, this is the deal: each week (our time)(don't flame me if I'm a bit late in updating) the housemates will nominate three (in some cases five :P{Aussies know what I'm on about}) housemates to be evicted. And then YOU will all vote in terms of reviews. So choose your evictee carefully as you can only review once. And please, it would be nice if you gave a reason for voting for the person.  
  
At the end of one week's time I will count the votes. DON'T think you will know who is going to go because I will ask my family to put votes in too (they are enlightened on Tamora Pierce thanks to my constant gibbering on about her books) and I will vote myself. I will also ask my friends. SO THERE!  
  
Now, we cross live into the BB house as the housemates get accustomed to their new surroundings.  
  
1.1.1 DAY ONE  
  
Jon: I think it is the sensible thing to do to first work out where everyone sleeps.  
  
*At this point Cleon gives Kel a sly smile and Kel looks away, red in the face*  
  
Neal: I bags the double bed!  
  
Alanna: As your knight master –  
  
Neal: Huh hum! I think you mean EX-knight master.  
  
Kel: Whom are you going to sleep with?  
  
Neal: My teddy.  
  
*Cleon bites back a laugh*: Your teddy?  
  
Roger: Enough!  
  
*Silence*  
  
Roger: This is how it goes – first to the bed gets to sleep in it. *Muwahahahaha!* and disappears.  
  
They hear his laugh in one of the bedrooms.  
  
Alanna: Curse you, Roger! I'm going to kill you a third time!  
  
Me: Alanna, you can't kill one of the contestants.  
  
Alanna: Why not?  
  
Me: Because I say you can't.  
  
Alanna: Awwwww. *Stuffs her dagger back in its hilt*  
  
Me: Ok, once you've all sorted out where you are sleeping, meet in the common room.  
  
~ Bedroom One ~  
  
Kel, Cleon, Alanna, George, Joren, and Dom all end up in bedroom one (B1).  
  
Kel: Ok, there is one double bed and four single beds.  
  
Cleon: Just like my dove to take command!  
  
Dom: Shut up, Cleon.  
  
Cleon: Rack off Dom!  
  
Kel: Boys!  
  
Dom: I would like to inform you that we are men Sir Kel.  
  
Kel: You sound like Neal!  
  
Dom: Really?  
  
*Kel raises eyebrows*  
  
Dom: You look like Lord Raoul! Doesn't she Cleon, doesn't she?  
  
Cleon (growling): she looks like herself  
  
Me: Hey! You guys aren't supposed to quote Tamora Pierce in here! Unfortunately me, the writer, doesn't own those lines so you can't use them!  
  
Cleon and Dom: Oh. Sorry.  
  
Alanna: Well, it's obvious George and I should get the double bed.  
  
Joren (dryly): Why is that?  
  
Alanna (blushing slightly): For obvious reasons.  
  
Joren: Like?  
  
Alanna: Well, we're the only couple here –  
  
Cleon: What about – ow! *Kel nudged Cleon hard with her elbow*  
  
Cleon: What? Huh? Oh. Ohhhhhh………  
  
Kel: Alanna and George get the double bed then. And on the count of three we race to the beds to get to the one we want. One… T –  
  
Joren: Three.  
  
*Everyone scrambles for the bed they want*  
  
Kel: Hey that's not fair!  
  
(Amazingly the only bed left is the one next to Alanna and George's double bed.)  
  
Alanna: We're not contaminated!  
  
Dom: We just don't want to be interrupted at night by your noises.  
  
Alanna: What noises?  
  
Joren: Obvious noises.  
  
~*~  
  
Eww…… wonder what they're up to in bedroom two?  
  
~*~  
  
~ Bedroom Two ~  
  
The other contestants, Thayet, Jon. Numair, Daine, Delia, Roger and Neal are all in bedroom two (B2).  
  
Thayet (whining): Jon, do we have to share a room with all these people.  
  
Jon: Yes my dear.  
  
Roger: Enough with the soppies.  
  
Jon: I am King, and you will obey me, cousin.  
  
Roger: Well I would have been King if not for that meddling girlfriend of yours.  
  
Thayet: Girlfriend? Jon, who is he taking about? Alanna? Is he talking about Alanna? Jon, how could you? *Thayet breaks into tears*  
  
Jon (glaring at Roger): Look what you've done now.  
  
Roger: Hey it wasn't me who slept with her.  
  
*Thayet's sobs become louder at the word "slept"*  
  
Jon: Honey –  
  
Daine (who is comforting Thayet): Go to hell Jon. This is women's business.  
  
*Daine takes Thayet to a single bed and lays her down*  
  
Daine: Thayet will sleep here. *She points to the single bed across from it* I sleep there.  
  
Numair: What? What did I do?  
  
Daine: Nothing. But I don't want to disturb you if I need to get up to comfort Thayet in the middle of the night. *Daine glares daggers at Jon*  
  
Numair (sighing): where do I sleep then?  
  
Delia: I don't care, but I'm sleeping here. *Sits gracefully on a single bed*  
  
Neal: What! There's only the double bed left! I'm not sleeping with him! *Points an accusing finger at Roger*  
  
Roger: Fine. *Blasts his Gift down the middle of the bed, slicing it in half*  
  
Me: Oi! Roger! Since when do you have your Gift?  
  
Roger: Where is that voice coming from?  
  
Me: I'm the narrator/author/editor/commander. I can see everything and anything and make comments whenever I wish.  
  
Roger: No!!!! Only I should have power like that!  
  
Me: Tough!  
  
Roger: No! Never! No!!!  
  
Thayet (red and yelling): SHUT UP!!! You're both giving me a HEADACHE!!!!  
  
Daine: Oh, honey, it's ok…  
  
Neal: Do I really have to share a room with these immature adults?  
  
Delia: Well I don't want to share a room with a child.  
  
Neal: A child!  
  
Delia: Yes, a child.  
  
Neal **** you, you ******* *****!  
  
Me: NEAL!  
  
Neal: What? The show's cut. *Grins evilly* Just wait for Tortallan Big Brother, Uncut *flashes big cheesy smile at camera*  
  
Me: Neal, you're not advertising the program you idiot!  
  
This is Big Brother. Contestants, please report to the Common Room.  
  
~*~ In the Common Room ~*~  
  
You have now had several hours to sort out your sleeping arrangements.  
  
At this point Thayet gives daggers to Jon, who is as far away as possible.  
  
You will now have the task of deciding who will be in charge of ordering the food supplies with the house money.  
  
Roger: What kind of supplies?  
  
Neal: Food and such the like, idiot!  
  
Roger: Aw, I wanted Blazebalm.  
  
Kel: You've been dead for years. What could you possibly want with Blazebalm?  
  
Roger: What do you think I want to do with it *grins evilly*  
  
Me: Shut up and listen to BB!  
  
You have a limited amount of money to spend. I will put you through tests and each person who completes the test will earn some amount of money to add to the account.  
  
Thayet: Can we buy whatever we want *eyes glitter*  
  
It is up to the person in charge of ordering it and the rest of the house.  
  
*Thayet stretches hand up excitedly*: Me, me! Oh, me!  
  
It is up to the housemates.  
  
Thayet: Oh, please! Please! Please! Please!  
  
Daine: I personally think Thayet and I would be good for the job.  
  
Jon opens his mouth then thinks better of it.  
  
George: I nominate myself, as I for one would like to eat.  
  
Thayet: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
George: You'll just by a nail file.  
  
Thayet: I can do that!  
  
George: Yeah, but I'd like to pick some of the food we eat.  
  
Ok: We have three nominations for the job. Unfortunately, we can only have two people for it. The three nominees are Daine, George and Thayet. Votes for George:  
  
Alanna, Joren, Roger and Neal raise their hands.  
  
Daine?  
  
Numair, Kel, Cleon and Dom raise their hands.  
  
Thayet?  
  
Jon and Delia raise their hands.  
  
Ok, the food-pickers are Daine and George.  
  
Thayet: How could you all? *Runs off crying into her bedroom*  
  
You are all dismissed.  
  
  
  
A/N KARLY_ANN134's work not mine. You know that by now.  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	3. Nominations of Eviction

A/N Hey, you may have read this before and this is because karly_ann134 gave this to me to finish. The first 5 chapters are hers. ALL HERS! After that, they are mine! Muahahahha! The idea belongs to her and the 5 chapters. Now that we have made that clear. NO OWN!  
  
  
  
Welcome back everyone to…  
  
TORTALLAN BIG BROTHER!!!!!!!!!  
  
Me: Welcome one, welcome all, to another day in the Big Brother household! We will now cross into the house. It is the day after the sleeping arrangements were made, the head of food orders were picked and after the first conflict between Jon and Thayet!!  
  
3.1 BEDROOM TWO  
  
Jon: Thayet, darling wake up!  
  
Thayet: whazzawhywhatsgoinonhere – ah! Jon! Why are you shaking me! Why are you even talking to me?! We're in a fight, remember?  
  
Jon: I thought that was all yesterday.  
  
Thayet: Hmph! Men! *Rolls over in bed*  
  
Jon: *sigh*  
  
3.2 BEDROOM ONE  
  
Cleon: Wake up my rosebud!  
  
Kel: I'm awake you idiot.  
  
Cleon: How come your eyes are closed my petal?  
  
Kel: I'm thinking.  
  
Cleon: About…?  
  
Kel: About stuff.  
  
Dom: Cleon, I think that's a hint for you not to pry.  
  
Cleon: I'll think what I think and I think that that wasn't a hint.  
  
Kel: actually it was.  
  
Dom: I told you so.  
  
Cleon (mocking Dom): 'I told you so'.  
  
Kel: Don't be mean Dom.  
  
*Cleon pulls a face at Dom*  
  
3.3 COMMON ROOM  
  
**At this point in time (three hours after Dawn) five people are in the common room; Jon, Roger, Neal, George and Joren**  
  
Neal: So, men's meeting is it?  
  
Roger: You mean one man, a wus (dunno how to spell that) King, a thief, a childish knight and a weak squire.  
  
Joren: I'm not weak! That damn girl witched me!  
  
*Neal snorts*  
  
Neal: I'm no kid!  
  
Jon: Who are you calling a wus?!  
  
George: I was once I thief, but I know be a baron. But believe me, you give me reason to dislike you, I'd watch those precious robes of yours. *Winks at Roger*  
  
*Roger scowls*  
  
Neal: Who's the man?  
  
*Roger scowls again*  
  
**At present Alanna walks into the room**  
  
*Roger's scowl deepens*  
  
Alanna (cheerfully): what's up your a** my dear sorcerer?  
  
Jon: Alanna, hello.  
  
Alanna: Hello Jon. Thayet talking to you yet? *Grins evilly* *Jon turns red*  
  
**Kel and Cleon enter Common room, arguing together**  
  
Kel: Cleon, no! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, no!  
  
Cleon: Jeez, Kel, no need to get so worked up about it!  
  
Kel: You're constantly harassing me about it!  
  
Cleon: I'll stop, I promise *raises right hand* Swear by Mithros.  
  
Kel (hesitantly): Well, ok.  
  
Joren: What was that about?  
  
Cleon & Kel (a little too innocently): Nothing.  
  
**A yawning/stretching Thayet enters Common room**  
  
Jon: Good morning my darling wife.  
  
Thayet (completely ignoring Jon): Hello Roger, Neal, Keladry, Cleon, Joren, George.  
  
Alanna: What about me?  
  
Thayet (scowling): What about you?  
  
Alanna: Hey, I am not, I repeat NOT having anything to do with the wild rumours. I completely deny them but it's ok if you're mad at Jon as long as you talk to me.  
  
Thayet: Well…  
  
Alanna: remember I saved you and Buri. You owe me one.  
  
Thayet: But we cared for you after you obtained the Dominion Jewel.  
  
Alanna: With the help of Liam.  
  
Thayet: Yeah, but we still put in. Remember Liam helped you save Buri and I anyway. We're still even.  
  
Alanna: Well, well… you stole my guy!  
  
Thayet: WHAT?!  
  
Alanna (laughing): You sound just like the time I told you you'd make a better queen than me!  
  
Thayet: Oh yeah! *Laughs with Alanna* Sorry bud.  
  
Alanna (still laughing): That's ok Thayet.  
  
Neal: Are we missing something?  
  
Kel: I need to get something. *Disappears into bedroom two (not her bedroom by the way*  
  
3.4 BEDROOM TWO  
  
Kel: Daine, hi.  
  
Daine: Hey Kel.  
  
Delia: So you're Kel?  
  
Kel: Yeah.  
  
Delia: You look too stocky to be a woman.  
  
Kel: Thanks.  
  
Daine: So what's up Kel?  
  
Kel: Oh nothing. I'm getting a bit tired of Cleon though.  
  
Daine: What's he doing?  
  
Kel: He's been really great and stuff, you know, being cute and sweet and non-pressuring, but now he's being quite – I don't know, just, just such a – a guy.  
  
Delia: In what way?  
  
Kel: You know.  
  
Daine: what?  
  
Kel (going red): Ah, like, um… the thing married couples do.  
  
Delia: clue…  
  
Kel: Bed each other.  
  
Daine: Oh.  
  
Delia: Just talk to him. Tell him how you feel.  
  
Kel: You know, you're right. You're ok for a crazed psychopath woman.  
  
Delia: It's a rare occasion. Don't get used to it.  
  
This is Big Brother. Please meet at the meal table in two minutes.  
  
**At the table 2 minutes later**  
  
Numair: So why are we here?  
  
You are here to eat.  
  
Dom: To eat what?  
  
Look in the pantry.  
  
*George gets up and opens the pantry. In there are forty-odd stacks of dried meat and thirty-odd stacks of dried fruit. Also two jugs of warm water*  
  
Dig in.  
  
Thayet: You expect us to eat that?!  
  
Yes, AND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT, GO INTO THE DIARY ROOM.  
  
*Thayet bravely gets up and enters the diary room. She emerges sometime later balling her eyes out*  
  
Now EAT!  
  
**The time is now mid-afternoon**  
  
This is Big Brother. As I call you, you will each enter the diary room for nominations. You will select one person for one point, one person for two points, and one person for three points. The person with three points is the person you want most to go. First up: Cleon.  
  
**In the diary room**  
  
Cleon, who do you want to nominate for one point?  
  
Cleon: For one point, Joren.  
  
Why?  
  
Cleon: He poses as a threat against Kel and my love.  
  
Two Points?  
  
Cleon: Dom.  
  
Why?  
  
Cleon: He poses as a threat against Kel and my love. Remember when I caught him flirting with her?!  
  
Three points?  
  
Cleon: Neal.  
  
Why?  
  
Cleon: He poses as a threat against Kel and my love. Remember when Dom was flirting with Kel? Well Neal's related to Dom! And the whole "Nealan" thing is getting on my nerves.  
  
Well someone's a bit possessive…  
  
**Cleon emerges**  
  
Alanna.  
  
**Alanna enters diary room**  
  
Alanna, who would you like to nominate for one point?  
  
Alanna: Jon.  
  
Why?  
  
Alanna: dunno. But he's annoying Thayet, and she's like, my best friend.  
  
Two points?  
  
Alanna: Neal. I had to spend enough time with him while he was my squire. Believe me, that time was enough.  
  
Three points?  
  
Alanna: Roger. If I don't kill him a third time before he goes.  
  
Me: Alanna, you CAN'T KILL THE CONTESTANTS.  
  
Alanna: Oh yeah.  
  
(A/N – I can't be bothered doing the whole thing 11 more times so I'll just put who nominates who for how many points an why)  
  
KEL –  
  
1 – Cleon. He's way too possessive of me in this house.  
  
2 – Joren. He gives me the shivers, still.  
  
3 – Thayet. She's such a sook!  
  
GEORGE –  
  
1 – Roger. He's evil and he doesn't like my wife.  
  
2 – Thayet. How much can one woman cry?!  
  
3 – Dom. He's annoying me for some reason.  
  
JOREN –  
  
1 – Neal. Never did like that clown.  
  
2 – Cleon. Big oaf. Hope he dies under the Black God's eye.  
  
3 – King Jonathan. How could he let Keladry stay?  
  
DOM –  
  
1 – Neal. My cousin is so annoying.  
  
2 – Numair. I think just because he's such a powerful mage he's the best.  
  
3 – Thayet. God, she's so babyish!  
  
THAYET –  
  
1 – Jon. Need I give reason?  
  
2 – Jon. Need I give reason?  
  
3 – Jon. Need I give reason?  
  
Me: You can't vote for the same person three times.  
  
Thayet: I'm queen, I can.  
  
Me: I'm the author, no you can't.  
  
Thayet: Fine. 1, George, 2, Alanna, 3, Jon.  
  
JON –  
  
1 – Delia. Spiteful cow.  
  
2 – Alanna. Maybe if she goes Thayet will talk to me.  
  
3 – Roger. If he hadn't said anything, nothing would have happened.  
  
NUMAIR –  
  
1 – Thayet. What a baby!  
  
2 – Roger. A man dead twice should stay dead.  
  
3 – Joren. I seem to remember a time when he was fighting with Page Keladry… Daine likes Keladry…  
  
DAINE –  
  
1 – Cleon. He seems to be annoying Kel.  
  
2 – Roger. I think he unnerves Numair.  
  
3 – I'm sorry, but Thayet. She's getting on my nerves!  
  
DELIA –  
  
1 – Jon. How dare he leave me for Alanna and Thayet?  
  
2 – Alanna. She took him first.  
  
3 – Thayet. She took him second.  
  
ROGER –  
  
1 – Thayet. Bloody K'mir.  
  
2 – Jon. How dare he claim my throne…  
  
3 – Alanna. If not for her…  
  
NEAL –  
  
1 – Daine. She's nice and everything, but how come she goes off with Numair? He's too old.  
  
2 – Numair. He's too old for Daine.  
  
3 – Cleon. That "pearl of my heart" stuff really gets to you.  
  
SO! The three Tortallans that have been nominated to leave the house are –  
  
THAYET! With 15 nominations.  
  
ROGER! With 11 nominations. AAANNNDDDDD………….  
  
JON! With 10 nominations.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
NOTE: THIS WAS WRITTEN BY KARLY_ANN. NOT ME! SHE WAS SO NICE TO ALLOW ME TO FINISH THIS AND I AM SOO HONORED.  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	4. Eviction

A/N THIS CHAPTER IS NOT MINE!!!! KARLY_ANN134 WROTE IT AND SHE GAVE THE FIC TO ME BECAUSE SHE DOESNT HAVE TIME TO FINISH IT.   
  
  
Welcome back to…  
  
TORTALLAN BIG BROTHER!!!!  
  
Hello, one and all, to Tortallan Big Brother. Last time we left you with the nominated three: Thayet, Roger and Jon! Who do you want to go?  
  
The situation: about lunchtime, everyone at the kitchen table.  
  
Thayet: What are we eating?  
  
Daine: We ordered something special for our first organised lunch together!  
  
Thayet: What?  
  
George: You'll see.  
  
*At this point Alanna comes in sporting a large silver platter*  
  
Daine: Place it on the table, Alanna.  
  
*Alanna places platter on the table and lifts the lid*  
  
Alanna: Voila!  
  
*Lifts lid to reveal a chicken head surrounded by a mixture of raw and cooked vegetables drizzled with a camel-coloured sauce*  
  
Thayet: Eww!! What is that?!  
  
Alanna: It's something that the Baron and I eat on special occasions.  
  
Thayet: Well, not meaning any disrespect to you or George, Alanna, but do you actually eat that?  
  
Alanna (draws up chest, obviously offended): Of course! It's called chickaré e de lour vegi. Or, chicken surrounded by vegies. (A/N I just made the name up so don't tell me it sounds French but its spelt incorrectly or anything like that, okies?)  
  
Thayet: But the chicken hasn't even been cooked. (A/N – Perhaps at this time I should describe the platter of food for you. The chicken's head has simply been cut off from its body, unplucked and bleeding on the plate, surrounded in an assortment of roughly cut vegetables, which include leek, broccoli, brussell sprouts, carrots, onions and some sort of yellow vegetable with red dots. Some raw, some cooked. All of it drizzled with some sort of icky coloured sauce that smells like off cheese.)  
  
Alanna: Well if you don't want to eat it, don't.  
  
Thayet (looking green): I think I need to use the necessary.  
  
*Thayet leaves to use the latrine*  
  
Alanna: Ok, bring in the real lunch.  
  
Jon: The real lunch?  
  
Alanna: Yeah. *Leaves then re-enters with a platter full of fresh sandwiches, exotic fruits and Daine brings in pitches full of water, lemonade, ale and wine*  
  
Jon: Thay-  
  
Alanna: Shut up you dimwit!  
  
Jon: What? Thayet will want to know we are going to eat.  
  
Daine: Don't you see the point of this? Weren't you at the briefing with the author?  
  
Cleon: No, remember? He had important king's business to attend to.  
  
Roger: That business would have been mine if not for her *jerks thumb at Alanna*  
  
Alanna: You were going to kill Jon.  
  
Roger: Duh.  
  
Alanna: Well he's my prince. I serve him, idiot.  
  
Roger: Well I really don't give a rat's ass about it, do I?  
  
Kel: Give it a rest! You're giving me a headache!  
  
Jon: What about a briefing with the author…  
  
Alanna: Well I told you about it, remember? We're 'sposed to shame Thayet out of the house –  
  
Me: HEY! You're not supposed to say that on AIR!  
  
Dom: Air? What air? We breathe air!  
  
Me: No, no, I mean, in front of the "camera", or the person who types this stuff up. (Me :P)  
  
Joren: COULD WE JUST EAT? I'M HUNGRY!  
  
Daine: That chicken head kind of put me off. I think I'll see how Thayet is doing. *Leaves*  
  
Dom: Yah, me too.  
  
Neal: Uh… me three.  
  
Cleon: I think I'll go with Dom.  
  
Delia: **no response**  
  
Alanna: Delia? Delia? Where is she?  
  
*Sticks head under the table*  
  
Alanna: Ohhhhh. Jon, she's fainted.  
  
Jon: Why should I care?!  
  
Kel: I'm going to bed.  
  
Joren: Well, if no one objects… *grabs platter and runs to room*  
  
Roger: Oi! *Runs after him*  
  
George: I'm hungry too! *Follows Roger*  
  
*Everyone else leaves table too*  
  
BEDROOM ONE  
  
Joren: Mm, this is nice.  
  
Roger (with mouth full): Good 'ood.  
  
George: Uh huh.  
  
*Little do they know that Alanna is just around the corner of Bedroom One with sword in hand waiting for the right moment to launch her attack*  
  
Roger cocks his head. Roger: What was that noise?  
  
Alanna (Leaping in for her attack): Hee YA!  
  
Roger: Aaahhhhhh!  
  
*Alanna promptly kills Roger with her sword*  
  
Me: Alanna! You know what I told you before!  
  
Alanna: But…  
  
Me: NO! No excuses young lady!  
  
Alanna: I am not a young lady! I'm a knight! I'm Sir/Lady Alanna of Trebond, King's Champion, Baroness of Pirate's Swoop, heir to Barony Olau!  
  
Me: It doesn't matter! You could be the King's Queen for all I care!  
  
Thayet (appearing out of nowhere): Hey! That's my title!  
  
Alanna: Rack off Thayet!  
  
Thayet (sulky): Fine then. *Disappears*  
  
Me: You must go to the diary room now to confer with Big Brother!  
  
Alanna: Aww…  
  
Me: NOW!  
  
DIARY ROOM  
  
BB: Alanna. Alanna, Alanna, Alanna.  
  
Alanna: What?  
  
BB: You knew the rules.  
  
Alanna: I did?  
  
BB: But you broke the rules anyway.  
  
Alanna: What rules?  
  
BB: I have no choice in this matter.  
  
Alanna: What bloody matter?!  
  
BB: You are disqualified from the house.  
  
Alanna (jumping to her feet): WHAT?!?!?!?!  
  
BB: I told you, I have no choice.  
  
Alanna: That's bull s***!  
  
BB: NOW! Go pack your things and leave!  
  
*Alanna sulks out of the room, turning around just before she leaves the door and pokes her tongue out at the glass screen that contains Big Brother*  
  
BEDROOM ONE  
  
Alanna (muttering): Stupid Big Brother why did I even come into this house in the first place whatever possessed me I could have saved money on a baby sitter for Mithros' sake…  
  
Jon: You're leaving then?  
  
Alanna: Yes. Got kicked out for killing Roger a third time.  
  
Delia: Aw. Too bad Sir Alanna. I'll really miss you.  
  
Alanna: Piss off Delia.  
  
*Finishes packing and turns to Jon*  
  
Alanna: This is something I've always wanted to do Jon. *Kisses Jon long and passionately.  
  
Alanna: There.  
  
Jon: **speechless**  
  
Thayet: I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it!!!!  
  
(A/N – Now that this has happened I just want everyone to know that I am a G/A fan, Jon is a prig. But hey, it's called a "twist in the tale")  
  
Jon: Well, um, Thayet –  
  
*Thayet runs off crying*  
  
Alanna: Goodbye Jon.  
  
*Disappears*  
  
(Big Brother)  
  
Everyone in the Common room.  
  
*Everyone moves into Common room*  
  
(BB) It is time for the eviction.  
  
*Thayet and Jon (the remaining two) squirm in their seats*  
  
3.1 It is time to go…  
  
THAYET  
  
Thayet: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jon: Oh, honey…  
  
Delia: Good riddance. Hehehe now I can have Jonathan for myself *Muwahahahahaha!*  
  
Thayet (crying): Oh Daine, Kel, my girls, I'll miss you oh so much!  
  
Daine: I know Thayet.  
  
Kel: Me too.  
  
Numair: I'll see you round, Thayet.  
  
Cleon: Byebye Your Highness.  
  
Thayet (still crying): Bye Cleon.  
  
Neal: Cya!  
  
Dom: I'm more compassionate. Later!  
  
George: I'm sorry Thayet. Give Alanna a spanking for me.  
  
Thayet (grinning evilly): I will.  
  
(BB) Time for you to go!  
  
*Thayet disappears*  
  
~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~  
  
I am almost down loading Kaz's chapters and then I will begin my own, to which I need reviews so I shall know what you want of me, Master or Mistress. I am but you obedient slave for all eternity. *bows, bows, bows, bows*  
  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	5. Joren Ticks Karly_Ann134 Off

A/N This is the last chapter of Kaz's then my work begins....*braces herself* I need reviews to that I can actually write the chapter. Thanks!   
  
Character belong to Tamora Pierce, these words below this belong to karly_ann134, and Big Brother belongs to.......someone....or....something....  
  
  
Welcome!  
  
When we last left the housemates, they were just about to find out their tasks for the week.  
  
(BB) Housemates, your task for the week is. To dress up in chicken costumes and learn a synchronised swimming movement in the pool out back!   
  
Neal: What pool?   
  
All: Yeah, what pool?   
  
Neal [to himself] {in sing-songy voice} (to the tune of "you want to hug me, you want to squeeze me.(miss congeniality) they all copied meeeeee, I must be special, I am-a luv-ed, I must be pretty.   
All: Shut up Nealan!   
  
Neal: *sobbing* It's Neeaaaaaaaall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Me: *sigh* Neal, GROW UP!   
  
Neal: *meekly* Ok.   
  
Me: Okiedokie den, back to the task!  
  
(BB) As I was saying, your task is to dress up in chicken suits which will be provided, and choreograph a synchronised swimming act in the pool which is now in your back yard.   
  
Daine: Oh how splendid! Can I call the swans to help us?   
  
Me: Nope, no, no way, sorry, against the rules.   
  
Daine: oh poo.   
  
Jon: I don't think Kings can threaten their dignity by swimming.   
  
Me: I don't give a damn what Kings can and can't do, I'm the author/director/producer/big-brother so I have power over all of you, King or thief.   
  
George: You'd better not be referring to me, because I am not no thief no more anyways, or not any ol' commoner that speaks with no awful grammar no ways.   
  
Me: Okay.   
  
Delia: Does it have to be chicken costumes? How about a lovely emerald- coloured swimsuit?   
  
Me: NO!   
  
Delia: Blue?   
  
Me: NO!  
  
Delia: Aqua?   
  
Me: NO!   
  
Delia: Purple?   
  
Me: NO!   
  
Delia: Yellow?   
  
Me: NO! Delia: ANY colour swimsuit?   
  
Me: Well.   
  
*Delia uses puppy eyes*   
  
Me: Uh! Fine!   
  
*Swimsuit appears in front of Delia. *Is almost in pieces, has blue bits, orange bits, pink bits, red bits, patched bits and torn bits* *And is faded*   
  
Delia: Ewww. Me: It's that or the chicken suit, lovey.   
  
Delia: *sigh* alright, alright.   
  
Joren: Ok, ok, so we get what we have to do, but why do we have to do it?   
  
Me: So you can earn money.   
  
Joren: Why?   
  
Me: So you can buy food.   
  
Joren: Why?   
  
Me: So you can eat.   
  
Joren: Why?   
  
Me: So you can survive?   
  
Joren: Why?   
  
Me: Well, Joren, I really don't know why people want you to survive, as you are an annoying twit who can't shut up.   
  
Joren: Why?   
  
Me: THAT'S IT!! *Uses author/director/producer/big-brother power to blast Joren to other end of the room*   
  
Me: Muwahahahahahahaaaaa!! You asked for it dimwit!   
  
Joren: Hey! No one calls me a dimwit and gets away with it! *Sword appears in his hand with a shimmery cloud of orange*   
  
Me: HEY! Since when did you get the Gift? An ORANGE Gift?!?!?!   
  
Joren: My turn to laugh - Muwahahahahahahaaaaa - *cough*cough* ok, laugh over now - you nitwits didn't even realise - before Roger was killed a third time, he passed his Gift over to meeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!   
  
Me: Ugh. Can't you evil dudes give it a REST? I mean, seriously, how many attempts have you guys made to take over the world? Think of something more original!   
  
Joren: Uh, well, I mean. hey! Leave us bad guys alone! It's not written in our minds "creativity" just "evil"! It's not our fault!   
  
Me: *taunty voice* yes it is.   
  
Joren: No it isn't.   
  
Me: Is.   
  
Joren: Isn't.   
  
Me: Is.   
  
Joren: Isn't.   
  
Me: IS times a hundred!   
  
Joren: ISN'T times a thousand!   
  
Me: IS times infinity!   
  
Joren: ISN'T times infinity and ten!   
  
Me: IS TIMES INFINITY A THOUSAND TIMES!   
  
Joren: ISN'T TIMES INFINITY A MILLION TIMES!   
  
Me: IS TIMES INFINIY A BILLION TIMES!   
  
Joren: ISN'T TIMES INFINITY A TRILLION TIMES!   
  
Me: IS TIMES INFINITY AN INFINITY TIMES!!! *Pokes tongue out at Joren*   
  
Joren: Bitch!   
  
Me: evil bastard dude!   
  
Joren: Quit the evil dude thing! It's old!   
  
Me: *sigh* can't we settle this like mature adults?   
  
Joren: No!   
  
Me: I thought as much. You're just an immature baby.   
  
Joren: *crying* I am not!!!!!!!!!   
  
Me: Baby, baby, Joren is a baby. Joren: WAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! Stop being mean!!!!!! *runs off crying into bedroom*   
  
Me: Well that settles that! Joren is officially a baby!   
  
Joren: *screaming from bedroom* Am not you big cow!   
  
Me: You little.! No one calls me that and gets away with it! *Flies into bedroom and kicks Joren's sorry butt from here to Minnesota, which is a long way from Australia.*   
  
Kel: What have you done? Joren-poo, Kelly-welly's coming to save yoooouuuu. .! *Kel runs into room  
  
*Neal looks shocked*Everyone is appalled*We hear banging in bedroom*Kel comes out with mussed up hair*   
  
Kel: D'you think I actually CARED for him? Yah, right. I just kicked his butt further than Minnesota. *winks at me and gives me high five*   
  
Me: Alright, I think we have a winner!   
  
Everyone (but Kel): What?   
  
Me: Kidding, kidding - now, first nominations, then you can start preparing for your task test at the end of the week!   
  
Everyone: Groan.  
  
~*~ The three people up for nominations this week are. - . - . - .  
  
1. JOREN! (Main reason: Kel and that gal (me() kicked his ass. What kind of a guy is he? {Answer: no guy at all}) 2. NEAL! (Main reason: That "Nealan" thing get son your nerves after a while.) 3. DELIA! (Main reason: who wouldn't want to wear a chicken costume?!) ~*~  
  
  
This is it! I need YOUR votes so that I can write a chapter here! Muahahahahahahaha!!!!!! While I'm at it..I best come up with a funky task test.....hmmmmmm....REVIEW! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
Keziah: *blushes* Yes, I got the review from karly_ann134's review thing. Omigosh! *blushes even more* That is sooo sweet! Thank you!!!!! *hyperventilates* *weak voice* Not again.....  
  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	6. Vote to Evict

A/N Hey, this is MY chapter! And, no, it does not include who leaves. That's in the next chapter. In the last chapter, none of the Tortallans got to pick someone to leave so I thought I would do that in this chapter. Then, add more votes because I hardly seem to have any....*sobs* Anyway, I am also going vote in this too, but I won't tell you who because you might get mad at me and that isn't good.....My parents will NOT vote, since they have no idea who these people are. Though, my mom knows a little.  
  
  
  
Tortallan Big Brother  
  
  
Me: Hey! I forgot to ask you guys who you want out! So tell me who!  
  
Delia: Can I vote?  
  
BB: What the heck? Go ahead!  
  
Delia: YAY!!!  
  
BB: Just come to my little room and tell me who!  
  
*Delia enters room*  
  
BB: Howay oday utoay antway utoay?  
  
Delia: What?  
  
BB: Howay oday utoay antway utoay?  
  
Delia: What?  
  
BB: Howay oday utoay antway utoay?  
  
Delia: Come again?  
  
BB: Who do you want out?  
  
Delia: OOoooooooooh! For 1 point, ME because I like me here! For 2 points Neal because he is kind of cute. For 3 points, Joren because........he's a dork.  
  
BB: Here, here!  
  
Delia: Thank you! *leaves*  
  
*Neal enters*  
  
BB: Howay oday utoay antway utoay?  
  
Neal: 1tpay: Emay! 2tpay: Eliaday! 3tpay: Orenjay! (Translation: 1pt: Me! 2pt: Delia! 3pt: Joren!)  
  
BB: Hanktay ouyah!  
  
Neal: Elcomeway! *leaves*  
  
*Joren enters*   
  
BB: Howay oday utoay antway utoay?  
  
Joren: What the *BLEEP*???   
  
BB: Howay oday utoay antway utoay?   
  
Joren: *raises eyebrows* Let me attempt to guess what you want. 1pt: ME! Because I don't want to leave. 2pts: Delia. Because she's......yeah 3pt NEAL!! Because he's friend's with Kel.  
  
BB: Hanktay ouyah!  
  
Joren: Okay. *leaves*  
  
*Jon enters*  
  
BB: Hey, who do you want to leave?  
  
Jon: 1pt: Neal because Baird is my friend. 2pt: Joren because I don't know. 3pt: DELIA! That cow!  
  
BB: Thank you.  
  
*Jon leaves*  
  
*Daine enters*  
  
Daine: *quickly* 1, Neal; 2, Delia, 3, Joren *leaves*  
  
BB: BYE!  
  
Daine: *doesn't look back*  
  
George: *enters* Well, I must say that #1, Joren because he's kinda funny looking. #2, Delia because she was mean to Alanna and #3, Neal because at the Swoop he annoyed the heck out of me.  
  
BB: Thanks.  
  
George: *leaves*  
  
BB: Next?  
  
*Cleon enters*  
  
BB: Who should leave, 1-3.  
  
Cleon: 1, Delia because....just because. 2, Joren, he doesn't like Kel. 3, Neal, he's my competition for Kel.  
  
BB: Tsk, tsk.  
  
Cleon: WHAT????  
  
BB: Nothing.  
  
Cleon: What??  
  
BB: Nothing.  
  
Cleon: What??  
  
BB: Nothing.  
  
Cleon: What??  
  
BB: Nothing.  
  
Cleon: What??  
  
BB: Nothing.  
  
Cleon: What?  
  
BB: Go away.  
  
Cleon: Fine. *Leaves*  
  
Kel: *enters*  
  
BB: Who should leave?  
  
Kel: 1, Neal because he's my bf.   
  
BB: I though you were going out with Cleon?  
  
Kel: NO! I meant, best friend.  
  
BB: Oh!  
  
Kel: 2, Delia. 3, Joren because his nose is off center. *leaves*  
  
*enters Dom*  
  
BB: Who do ya want to leave?  
  
Dom: 1, Delia because she's pretty. 2, Joren, because. 3, Neal because he's my cousin.  
  
BB: Thanks!  
  
Dom: *leaves*  
  
Numair: *enters* 1, Neal because he's my student and because Daine likes Keladry and Neal is friends with Keladry, 2, Delia because I really don't know her. She's kind of pretty, in a slutty way. 3, Joren because he was mean to Keladry and well, Daine likes Keladry.  
  
BB: Thanks. Would you like some cheese? *offers cheese*  
  
Numair: Why thank you. *Takes some cheese* *faints*   
  
BB: *drags Numair into closet* Muahahahahahha!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N Now, please review and tell me what you think. Please use the 1, 2, 3 method. It helps.  
  
  
Queen of Fluff 


	7. Eviction and some Guests

A/N Hey, this is my SECOND chapter! Yay! *cheers* *one boo* Oh shut up!!!!!! Stop it! Argh!  
  
Anyway, this is the chapter where I get to make someone leave! Yay!!!! Woooohoooooo! Of course, I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. Thank you reviewers.  
  
  
Tortallan Big Brother  
  
  
  
Me: Hey! Welcome back to Tortallan Big Brother! I suppose the first thing we should do is to announce the one who has been evicted!  
  
All: Yeah! Tell us!  
  
Me: Of course. *grabs envelope* And this week's evicted one is.........*opens envelope* *looks confused* Harry Potter?  
  
*Harry Potter stands up*  
  
Harry: *sniff* I don't wanna leave! I wanna stay here with my friends Ron and Hermione! I don't wanna leave my girlfriend! Hermione! I don't wanna leave you!  
  
Hermione: I'm so sorry, Harry. *hugs Harry*  
  
Tortallans: *stare*  
  
Draco: Oh quit your sniveling, Potter. And besides, Hermione is MY girlfriend.  
  
Harry: *to Hermione* Is this true?  
  
Ron: Course not! Hermione's my girlfriend!  
  
Snape: I think you are very much mistaken, Weasley. She would be MY girlfriend.  
  
Sirius: Put a sock in it, Snape. She's MINE!  
  
Snape: Black! I should've known!  
  
Sirius: Dang right you should've known that Hermione was my girlfriend.  
  
Snape: NO! I should've known that you would be here!  
  
Sirius: Snape, we're in the same bedroom. You should've known.  
  
Snape: *nervous* Of course, I knew that!  
  
Sirius: *laughs*  
  
Snape: *curses Sirius*  
  
*Sirius and Snape duel*  
  
Jon: Who are these people?  
  
George: I don't know......but they're cool!  
  
Jon: *stares at George*  
  
Viktor: Hold on a second! Hermy-own-ninny is my girlfriend!  
  
Harry, Ron, Snape, Sirius, Draco: *stare at Viktor*  
  
Hermione: *runs over to Viktor and kisses him*  
  
*Viktor and Hermione walk out of the room*  
  
Harry, Ron, Snape, Sirius, Draco: *walk out of the room, chatting*  
  
Me: That was.......weird.  
  
Numair: You didn't know that was going to happen?  
  
Me: *shocked* You think I did???? Of course not! What probably happened is that the HP Big Brother host and I accidently switched envelopes..........*wide eyed* Oh no.....  
  
*HP BIG BROTHER*  
  
HP BB host: And the evicted one is............*confused* Joren? Who the heck is Joren?  
  
Cho: He's probably blonde.  
  
*all stare at Draco*  
  
Draco: What???  
  
Harry: You're blonde.  
  
Draco: So? *realizes* NO! No! I am NOT this Joren dude! *runs away*   
  
All: *chase after him*  
  
Draco: *screams* *keeps running*  
  
  
  
*************  
  
*Back to Tortallan Big Brother*  
  
Me: Scary......Anyway, the evicted one is...  
  
Delia: You said you didn't have the envelope!  
  
Me: The envelope was only to make it look all formal and stuff. I know who leaves because I added the votes!!!!! With (a/n and this number is TRUE) 45 votes, Joren leaves!  
  
Joren: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! *sniff*  
  
Me: Go pack!  
  
Joren: But, I don't wanna!  
  
Me: DO IT!  
  
Joren: NO!  
  
Me: *uses author-magic to start Joren on fire*  
  
Joren: Aaaaaaaaaaahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! *jumps around like a lunatic*  
  
Kel: *laughs*  
  
All other: *laugh*  
  
Joren: Shut up!   
  
All others: Make us!  
  
Joren: Shut up now! Owie!  
  
Me: Joren, go pack and the fire will go away.  
  
Joren: NEVER!  
  
Me: Tough then.  
  
Delia: *giggles* Joren, you truly are hot!  
  
Joren: OH! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! *hops around*  
  
*2 hours laters*  
  
Joren: My shoes melted!  
  
Me: Will you go pack now?  
  
Joren: Fine. *flames are gone*   
  
Daine: Joren, next time I suggest you wear sunscreen before going out into flames!  
  
Joren: *crispy red* Shut up. *goes and packs*  
  
All others: *continue to laugh*  
  
Joren: *walks over to portal with bag over shoulder* *punches Kel*  
  
Kel: Owie!  
  
Joren: *Snickers*  
  
Neal: *tackles Joren* *punches him*  
  
Joren: AAAAaaaaaahiiiiiiii!!  
  
Jon: *pulls Neal off Joren*  
  
Numair: *throws Joren into portal*   
  
*Joren disappears*  
  
  
  
A/N I hope you guys didn't mind the Harry Potter thing. It hit me and I couldn't stop writing it in.   
Continue to leave your votes. They'll be added up for the next chapter.  
  
  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	8. MORE Eviction, Britney Spears, Belly dan...

A/N Hey, this is my THIRD chapter! Yay! *cheers* *one boo* Oh shut up!!!!!! Stop it! Argh!  
  
Anyway, this is the chapter where I get to make someone leave! Yay!!!! Woooohoooooo! Of course, I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. Thank you reviewers.  
  
  
Tortallan Big Brother  
  
  
  
Me: Hey! Welcome back to Tortallan Big Brother! I suppose the first thing we should do is to announce the one who has been evicted!  
  
Jon: We didn't vote, though.  
  
Me: So? We don't need no stinkin' votes!  
  
George: Yes we do.  
  
Me: Well, not here! Anyway, we are evicting TWO people today because I was just informed that Cleon was changed into a god or something or other and was evicted. Good bye, Cleon.  
  
Cleon: NOOOOO! *poof* *is gone*  
  
Me: And, the readers have decided that Delia sucks and she should leave. She has a total of 15 votes.  
  
Delia: NOOOOOOOO!! I don't want to 'poof!' away! I want to remain whole and me! *squish* Ow...*poof!*  
  
Me: Now that that's over with.....What now??? Hmmm....  
  
Neal: You have nothing planned?  
  
Me: Planned? Me? Me having plans? Ha! I don't need plans!  
  
Kel: Whatever...  
  
Me: According to my calculations, there are only 7 of you left! *looks proud of self*  
  
Dom: It sure takes a genius to figure that out.  
  
Me: So, we're going to play a game!  
  
Jon: *looks scared, as do the others*  
  
Me: We're going to play "Try To Impress Me With Your Silly And Useless Talents Or Collections And Whoever Is The Worst At It Is Kicked Out." Doesn't that sound fun?????  
  
All: *unenthusiastically* Yay....  
  
Me: Neal, you first.  
  
*Neal walks up*   
  
*lights darken*  
  
*suddenly they light up really fast*  
  
Neal: Oops! I did it again! I played with your heart! Got lost in the game!  
  
Me: *laughs hysterically* That's enough! *ahahaha* Stop! *hahahahahahaha*  
  
Neal: *looks smug* *walks back and sits down*  
  
*Dom walks up*  
  
Dom: *thinks for a moment* *belly dances to a Shakira CD*  
  
All others: *laugh hysterically*  
  
Dom: *smiles and walks off*  
  
Kel: Hi, Dom. *purrs*  
  
Dom: Hello, Kel.  
  
Kel: *bats eyelashes* *hops on Dom's lap* *smiles sweetly*  
  
Dom: Ugh. *shoves her off his lap*  
  
Kel: *gets up* *lifts nose into the air and goes to sit next to Neal*   
  
Neal: *scoots away*  
  
KeL: *follows*  
  
Daine: *walks up* *transforms into a duck* *quack!!!* *looks at host (me)*  
  
Me: *stares* That's it? *pushes little red button* *big men rush out and grab duck-Daine and carry her away, while she quacks cuss words at the host*  
  
Numair: Daine!  
  
Neal: *scoots more*  
  
Kel: *follows*  
  
Neal: *scoots more*  
  
Kel: *follows*  
  
Neal: *gets up and runs away*  
  
Kel: *chases after Neal*  
  
Goerge: *walks up* *finds knife in one of his many pockets* *jungles knife*  
  
*Various applauds, ooh, and aaaahs*  
  
George: *knife slips* *cuts off ear*  
  
Me: YAY!!! Best performance yet!  
  
George: *tears well up in eyes* *scurries off to find a big band aid*  
  
Kel: *stops chasing Neal* *walks up* *belly dances*  
  
Dom: Hey! She took mine!  
  
Kel: Then kiss me!  
  
Dom: NEVER!  
  
Kel: Fine! *continues to belly dance*  
  
*applause*  
  
Kel: *walks back to seat* *sees Neal* *chases him*  
  
Numair: *walks up* *grabs electric guitar* *pulls out hair tie* *begans playing heavy metal song* *turns head up and down so that his hair is flying all around (you know what I mean)*  
  
Jon: *looks cheerful* *grabs his drum set from the closet and joins Numair* *does head bob thing, only it isn't as effective for Jon since his hair is short*  
  
Me: Bravo! *laughs*   
  
*Jon and Numair return to their seats*  
  
Me: You all win, except for Daine. But she already left.  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Me: Now, go rest! Off to bed with yeh!  
  
*all trot off to bed*  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I am soo sorry it took so long to update. I feel bad now. *sniff* I hope you like! REVIEW!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	9. Poker and Thongs

A/N Hey, this is my THIRD chapter! Yay! *cheers* *one boo* Oh shut up!!!!!! Stop it! Argh!  
  
Anyway, this is the chapter where I get to make someone leave! Yay!!!! Woooohoooooo! Of course, I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. Thank you reviewers.  
  
  
Tortallan Big Brother  
  
  
  
Me: Hey! Welcome back to Tortallan Big Brother! I suppose the first thing we should do is to announce the one who has been evicted!  
  
Numair: But we didn't vote this time either.  
  
Me: So? Two people DID vote.  
  
Kel: Who?  
  
Me: Two people. I don't remember who they were. Anyway, good bye DOM!!!  
  
Dom: NOOOOO!!! *flames start around feets* *falls as ash then blows away*  
  
Girls peeking in thru windows: NOOOOO!! NOT DOM!!! *sob*  
  
Me: Pull yourselves together! Anyway, we're going to play another game.  
  
George: I don't want to play a game. *is still bleeding from the ear* *has tissue to ear*  
  
Med: Um, miss, I think we need to take Mr. Cooper to the hospital. He might die from blood loss.  
  
Me: *is mad* Fine. But he is now evicted!! Muaha!!  
  
Me: Back to the game. Let's see...what shall we play?  
  
Jon: Let's play sleep.  
  
Kel: Let's play 'Jungle.' *is watching Neal*  
  
Neal: *looks scared* *scoots away from Kel*   
  
Kel: NEAL!!! *chases after Neal*  
  
Me: *still thinking* Ah, well, go have some fun.  
  
Kel: *stops* Fun? *grinz* NEAL!!!! LET'S GO HAVE SOME FUUUN!!!  
  
Neal: AAAAHHH!!!!  
  
Jon: This is funny.  
  
Numair: *nods* Wonder who'll win.  
  
Jon: My bets Kel.  
  
Numair: Really?  
  
Jon: Yup.  
  
Numair: Wanna play a card game?  
  
Jon: Sure.  
  
Numair: How about poker?  
  
Jon: All right.  
  
Kel: *hears the word poker* *catches Neal and drags him to go play poker too* We want to play.  
  
Numair: All right.  
  
Kel: Only, we wanna play strip poker.   
  
Neal, Numair, and Jon: *pale*  
  
Kel: *grinz*  
  
*10 minutes later*  
  
Jon: *shirtless*  
  
Numair: *pantless, but still has his Spongebob boxers on*  
  
Neal: *naked all except for his green thong that Kel made him where when she ruined all his underwear on purpose*  
  
Jon: Kel, we don't want to play with you anymore. You're still fully clothed.  
  
Kel: Well, I can fix that. *pulls off shirt* There.  
  
Numair and Jon: *look down*  
  
Neal: *looks down too*  
  
*10 minutes later*  
  
Kel: I win again. Okay..Hmm...Neal, off with the thong!!  
  
Neal: *turns red and stands up* *pulls of the thong*  
  
Kel: *gets up* *yawns* Well, I'm done with this game. *grabs Neal's hand and drags him away*  
  
Jon and Numair: *exchange glances*   
  
  
******  
  
Hope that was good enough for ya!! Vote, even if the people don't vote!!!!  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I am soo sorry it took so long to update. I feel bad now. *sniff* I hope you like! REVIEW!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lady Alanna Salmalin of Conte, the Queen of Fluff 


	10. Some Old Visitors Return

Here I am again. Rewriting. *sigh*  
  
***  
  
"This is it. The day that we have all been waiting for. This is the day that we will find a winner among us. One that has worked his or her arse off to stay on this show as long as possible. The nominees are: Lady Keladry of Mindelan, Sir Nealan of Queenscove, Master Numair Salmalin, and King Jonathan of Conte. We will now, one by one, remove each person until the winner is found. Are you ready?" the host asks.  
  
Kel grabs Neal's hand and nods.  
  
Neal hopes for his name to be called so that he may be able to leave forever and never return. Parting is not such sweet sorrow.  
  
Numair pulls a loose thread on shirt off. He fiddles with it.  
  
Jon issigning an important document. A look at the document proves it to be divorce papers.  
  
"When I call your name, please come up and place the Sorting Hat upon your head.....  
  
The contestants are confused.  
  
"Whoops! Wrong line...Sorry about that," the host says.  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"When I call your name, please stand and walk out the door." The host points to the door."Lady Keladry of Mindelan! You are out, with 9 points."  
  
Kel bursts out crying. She exits the room.  
  
"Next, Master Numair Salmalin, with 7 points."  
  
Numair gets up and walks out the door andimmediately runs to find Daine.  
  
"Now, with two remaining...." The host looks from Neal to Jon.  
  
Neal looks up at the ceiling, oblivious to what's around him.  
  
Jon is reading divorce papers.  
  
"This is it. This shall reveal with winner. Between Neal and Jonathan. The winner is....."  
  
Voices are heard.  
  
"Bugger off, Potter!" Snape snarls.  
  
"You sound like Wood!" Harry cries.  
  
"Please leave me out of this," Oliver says quietly.  
  
"What made you think Hermione was yours?" Harry demands.  
  
"Well.......She..." Snape trails off but manages to hold his chin up.   
  
"This is folly!" says Lupin. "Hermione was going out with that Krum boy..."  
  
Ron grins evilly.  
  
"But something happened to him..." Lupin trails off.  
  
Ron tries to look innocent.  
  
"Ron?" says Sirius. "What did you do to Krum?"  
  
A sweatdrop of rolls down Ron's forehead. "Nothing......"  
  
"You killed him, didn't you?" accuses Draco.  
  
Oliver sits down beside Jon as the others bicker. "Divorce?"  
  
Jon looks up. "Oh, yes. My wife was quite angry with me for something or other. So, then, the love of my life Alanna was angry at me. And so was the Wild Mage because she's friends with my wife Thayet. They all hated me."  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"I forgot...Must not have been important, though. No matter."  
  
"Anyway, I'm Oliver Wood."  
  
Jon smiles. "I'm Jonathan the Third of Conte, King of Tortall."  
  
"Tortall?"  
  
"Don't ask." Jon looks at the bickering men. "What are they fighting about?"  
  
"Hermione Granger. They all think she was in love with them. Only, Hermione was with a man named Viktor Krum. Only thing is, now he's dead. Draco Malfoy, the blonde, seems to think Ron Weasley, the one with the red hair, killed him out of jealousy. The boy with the glasses and black hair, that's Harry Potter, seems to think it unlikely that Hermione would ever love Severus Snape, the one with the greasy black hair."  
  
Jon, completely lost, says, "I see..."  
  
Ron, Lupin, Sirius, Draco, Harry, and Snape continue to bicker.  
  
" QUIET!!!!!" the host cries.   
  
All fall silent.  
  
"All who know what Hogwarts is, leave. The Tortallans, you know who you are, stay. Seeing as there are only two of you....Well, never mind."  
  
Harry Potter characters shuffle off, bickering softly.  
  
"Now, where were we? Ah yes, and the winner is.....JONATHAN OF CONTE!!!"  
  
Confetti falls around Jon.  
  
" What happened?" asks Jon, confused.  
  
"You won!"  
  
"What'd I win?"  
  
"The check."  
  
"What check?"  
  
The host hands over a check.  
  
"Oh, THAT check..Well, thanks!" Jon runs off to saddle Darkness.  
  
Neal pulls out black mustache and puts it on, along with a hat and sunglasses. He sneaks out with stealth. Whoosh.  
  
I sigh. "That was fun.....I should do it again sometime....." 


End file.
